Archive for the Introspection Category

A New Day….

Posted in Introspection with tags , , , , on November 10, 2013 by otakujade

Often we find the greatest revelations, the most important lessons at the most unusual sources – the lesson was unexpected and yet at the same time freeing….

…”there’s no way you can go through a trauma like that and not come back changed. The point of these things (Agent Coulson’s scars) is to remind us that there is no going back – there’s only moving forward. You feel different, because you are different.

Agent May

Marvels Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D

Agent Coulson experienced death during the battle of New York as was seen in the movie Avengers, whether it was 8 seconds or 40 he still died. It was much the way how I feel on certain aspects of myself. This is the first time I will candid face what happened to us, my husband cheated on me – and no matter how small or short the instances behind that act was something inside me died. Call it innocence, naivete or ignorance – but the fact is that day he admitted the affair to me and walked out of my life something died within me. For more than a decade, I believed every word he said, trusted him and set him on a pedestal as a man above all man. I was wrong.

And though he is back now, and trying to make amends for the wrong he did nothing could bring back what we have lost. We are forever changed. I have been crying for so long, in solitude, because I didn’t want anyone to see my pain because I cannot understand it myself. But now I do, and now I cry to mourn for the death of my complancy – there is no going back but I can decide to move forward. What was done is done, and there’s no taking back what happened. I have lost trust in the man I have loved and nurtured and adored for the past 12 years. I gave him another chance, I don’t know if I will ever trust him as much as I used to – maybe if he proved worthy I can trust him more or maybe less but that will be up to him.

A part of me died and I am changed, I am different but I refuse to be a victim. I am different and I will better, I will strive to be better, I need to be better – for myself and for my children. I will never be able to forget what happened but I can take the lesson from that painful experience and be a better person.

I’ve been going around in circles for too long. It seems like I would take one step forward and then a step back . That’s over now. I will stop reliving the pains and nurturing the slights but mostly I refuse to give that girl any space in my mind, my life or my marriage. The memories will always be there, the slight will always be painful and the trust will need to be rebuild but I must start healing. Not for my husband, but for myself and for the children. I will be better for me. That will be my mantra and the tenets in which I will live by.


Lesson from the Mayonnaise Jar

Posted in Introspection, Random with tags , , on August 23, 2013 by otakujade

I know that I haven’t written anything in so long, I make no excuse except that m life had taken on a terrible turn in the last few months and I really didn’t want my crap to spill over my blog; firstly, you don’t need to hear it and secondly, there’s no benefit to you or me if I broadcast it so I chose just not to write for a while. But now all that is over and I am back, hopefully on a more regular basis.

So please allow me to start with this lesson…mind you this is not mine, I simply found it on Facebook but I thought it needed sharing so here goes….

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and fills it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “YES”.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things, that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else — the small stuff.” he said.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are
important to you…” he told them.

“So… pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Worship with your family. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Spend time with good friends. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap. Take care of the golf balls first — the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled and said, “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

Women and Shopping………..

Posted in Introspection, People with tags on December 27, 2012 by otakujade

Let me just point out that this does not apply exclusively to women…its just that more women have discovered the therapeutic value of shopping  than men. Contrary to what most people believe it is not all about the money or buying…it’s more about taking your mind off your problems. It’s redirecting your thoughts into something more productive and fun. Yes, it does involve money, it’s an expensive therapy but what therapy session isn’t?

But instead of wallowing in your problems, for a short time at least, the shopper is able to take her/his mind off  his/her personal problems. The decision making process of trying to decide which color to buy or what looks good or not, what is a smart buy and what is not, whether to buy or not….those are simple things but it allows you to forget about the hurtful things even for just a while and allow your mind and your heart to heal a little, to rest a little and get off the stress a little.

Shopping therapy doesn’t have to be expensive…you don’t even have to buy anything, just window shopping would do just as well. You don’t have to buy anything at all but at least it gets your mind off your problems.

However, if you’re one of those what I like to called lucky unfortunate women(those who’re married to wealthy jackasses for a husband) then I wouldn’t recommend shopping for you. What I would recommend buying  real estates and purchasing them under your children’s name or an alias that way jackass wouldn’t have any claim on it…hahaha! Yeah, I’m a vindictive bitch sometimes…especially when I’m angry.

But really, it honestly helps to take your mind off things and think of other things. It may not be for long but at least it gave you a breather enabling you to look at the problem at a different angle or even at the point of view of the other person.

I cannot say that it works for everyone, but as for me and my sister…it’s a good therapy. She and I have gone through some very tough times in our relationships and shopping always helps…especially when we do it together. It’s also our way of bonding and helping each other out of rough corners. Thank you, sis..

A Lesson on Anime from a Parent who loves Anime…

Posted in Anime, Introspection, Random, Uncategorized on June 18, 2012 by otakujade

I’ve been an anime otaku (enthusiast/addict) for most of my life.  My first encounter with anime, and I was not aware it was called that back then, was when I was about 5 or 6 years old.  Voltes V, Mazinger Z and Daimos were my first animes as with most people my age. We are called the Martial Law babies because we were born during the time when Martial Law was in effect in our country…but enough about that.

Children today have no idea what anime went through in this country. Today, anime is as common to them as their computers or video games or even their cellular phones. But anime suffered a big set back in this country in the late 70s when it was banned.  Yes, banned! It started with Voltes V but the others soon followed… this was under Martial Law, and the next decade all we had were cartoons from the US.

Then in 1989 anime made a come back in our country. Slowly but surely, anime began to take hold of the young people’s attention. It wasn’t until 1998 however that anime exploded and gained incredible grounds. This was all due to one kick ass anime – Yuyu Hakusho.

Being an avid otaku, I am thrilled with the proliferation of anime in this country. I encourage it, not only on my own children (my husband is an otaku such as myself) but also on other young people who just entered into the fold. But being a parent and having slowly matured and transitioned with anime over the years I guess I became so much more aware of it and all its eccentricities.

We are often told that as parents we must monitor what our children watches or does on the computer…sadly very few people  heed that plea. But WE REALLY SHOULD. When we see our kids watching anime…remember that these are not just plain cartoons as we were used to watching way back in the 80s. Unlike most animation videos, anime has different genres that we as parents must be aware of but must also keep an open-mind.

What I found out from associating with other parents who were anime fans like we were is that we are a lot more broad-minded with what our children can watch but also a lot more careful at letting them watch certain animes.

Like movies, animes are multi-themed and are directed at certain type of audiences. However, they are more free-spirited and therefore contain certain materials that we will not see on ordinary cartoons. Yes, anime has deeper plots and has so much more value but there are also animes that in my opinion on those with matured minds should watch and I am not talking here only of hentais (x-rated animes).

At a certain point, teenagers will be curious about hentai and that is only natural especially if they’re anime fans. It’s inevitable..they will come across the genre during the course of their fascination with anime. And as parents we must learn to cope with that and deal with it, by being open to them and letting them know that we understand and explain to them the reason why we would rather not have them watching those type of animes before they are 16 or older. I do believe that if you have a good relationship with your child it’ll work to talk things out with them. It’s not gonna be easy but it’s better than flat out telling them they can’t watch it or pretending you didn’t see. Hubby and I actually went so far as to toss a coin to decide who would talk to the boys about it…incidentally, I lost.

But as I said I was not referring to hentai when I said that there are animes that are better left to mature individuals especially those who have matured into anime already. Here applies the Japanese principle of Omote (outer) and Ura (inner) thoughts. It’s the front and back; what you let people see and know and that part of you that is kept hidden…orif you want to take it one step further it can be your Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

As there are plenty of well made and extremely good anime which are children and teenager safe (hahaha!) there are also animes that are…well, Mr. Hyde. Good thing though that they are only a few of them. These animes, for which I will not give any titles, should be kept from your children because there just too much violence and sex in them. And this statement is coming from someone who you grew up and grew old with anime. My tolerance for sex and violence is I guess quite broad but even I could balked at letting my teenagers watch these anime. Maybe when they get older….hopefully, around 40 (*smiles*) they can get to watch things like these but not while they are young and impressionable.

So, my plea to parents please get to know your children and get to know what they like, what they watch on TV and what they do in the computer. It pays to be informed and it’s not invading their privacy…it’s protecting their future.

Weekend Movies…

Posted in Introspection, Movies, Random on June 11, 2012 by otakujade

Weekends are movies days in our family (well, that is when we have help around) and lately, hubby and the boys had been revisiting several classics and some movies, I really didn’t have any interest to watch…before.

So being forced to watch what the boys want, I can to realized that my own prejudices actually drove me not to watch these movies but in reality they were quite good. And these are…

Full Metal Jacket – this was an 80s movie that I didn’t have the interest to watch way back then because it was a boy-flick and back in HS I’m not really into war movies and things like those. But watching it with the boys and with hubby’s commentaries about the movie, it was actually a good movie.


Star Wars series – honestly, I loved Episodes 1-3! I think they’re awesome and the story was really, really thrilling. My father was not a big fan of foreign movies so I didn’t get to watch Episodes 4-6 when it first came out. Naturally, I grew up not having any idea what it was all about and though I know that the series created an entire new pop culture I was not a part of it. Then I met hubby, and he was just nuts about the series!  And from him the boys contracted the bug.

Last Saturday was actually the first time I will ever see Star Wars the series. And I don’t know if I was lucky to have been able to watch it from Episode 1 to 6, because having seen the first 3 installments of the series which was made just recently it was hard not to compare the effects, as well as the acting of the actors.  It was amazing to watch and compare the first 3 episodes with the last 3 episodes because you can’t help but be amazed with what they were able to accomplish in terms of effects way back in the 70s. Although, I am disappointed that Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker would have such a clumsy son like Luke.  It seems like Princess Leah got all the spunk of their parents. However, putting that aside I think it was really a very good series and I am now a fan.


Resident Evil – again another series of film. And yet again something that I didn’t bother to watch because well, I just got so sick of vampires, zombies and werewolves. It seemed to me that Hollywood just can’t get of them..sheesh!

But as Sunday came I was again seated with the entire family, eating crackers and watching with the movies. It is hard being the only female in the family. However, I did like playing the game on Playstation so I figured it can’t be all that back..the movie I mean. And true enough it wasn’t. I rather enjoyed it, especially on those parts when something would come up and surprise the heck out of the boys! LOL, that was fun!

So, I guess I enjoyed my weekend, it was actually a learning experience for me and I rather liked that. I wonder what hubby has planned for next weekend…..


Harry Potter: So long…but never Goodbye

Posted in Books, Introspection, Movies, Random, Uncategorized with tags , , on July 16, 2011 by otakujade

It’s 10:45 p.m. and hubby and I  just came back from watching HP 7 part 2….I am feeling sort of melancholy really….the movie wasn’t good…IT WAS GREAT! but somehow I feel like a beautiful chapter of my life had just come to a close.

For the last decade, Harry Potter had become a constant in my life. Harry Potter opened a lot of new doors for me…it is through Harry Potter than I became a part of several Yahoo groups, met a lot of wonderful people who have became an important addition to my life (friends who became so close to me they’re almost like family), and to my otaku friends Harry Potter is an added bond that we have aside from anime. My book, movie and memorabilia HP collection is something I am deeply proud of. They’re not that extensive but they were acquired with a lot of care and patience.

Watching the credits roll tonight was like parting with an old, trusted and dearest friend.  At one point I didn’t want the movie to end because then  I know there would be nothing more to look forward to from then on. This was the last installment of the series, and a part of me never wanted it to stop. The book series concluded in 2007  but somehow that didn’t feel as conclusive as this…somehow at the time I know there was still something to look forward to – several more movies in fact. This time really felt like the closing of a curtain. And still  a big part of me still cling to the magic that was Harry Potter.

Yes, MAGIC for that was really want it was all this time. JKR weaved a mesmerizing spell that bound us all these year; her character had taken on a life of its own and became part of history. I cannot think of any book or even movie that ever have this much following or loyalty.  The series is so popular that every book release or movie premier is considered an international event and hugely news worthy. Seven books, eight movies….and three endearing characters….

As people clapped at the end of the last scene, I sat there and heaved a big and heavy sigh…It is done, the Harry Potter series had ended. As all good things must come to an end, so too something even as beautiful and captivating as Harry Potter. To me this was like seeing an old friend go to some far away land, it is so long but not goodbye. For from time to time that friend will write an email or chat on line or call on the phone..still accessible but out of sight. So too will Harry Potter be…for from time to time I know I will still visit the books, relive the movies and remain friends with the people whom through Harry Potter have become an integral part of my life too…

To Bonnie, Jo, Chris, and Dawn….thank you for being a part of my life. To J.K. Rowling…thank you for the privilege of knowing Harry, Ron and Hermione. Thank you for Hogwarts, Hogmeads, for Snape, Dumbledore, Hagrid, and McGonagall – thank you for sharing this wonderful world of Harry Potter with us.

And to Harry Potter thank you for being with us…your presence will be a uniquely personal part of us your fans….and the Harry Potter world and culture will be an important and characterizing part of the generation that knew and experienced your world.

So long….till we meet again.

….on Same Sex Marriage

Posted in Introspection, Uncategorized on June 25, 2011 by otakujade

So, you are at this point allowed to call me a hypocrite….

Those close to be know that I like yaoi (anime with male-male relationship) and sometimes I even read slash stories but this is really something else – something that’s so beyond fantasy. I have nothing against love between same sex….I mean it happens, right? These days they have a lot of explanation why a boy/girl turn out gay. Mostly, explanations tell us that its not really their fault…some are just inclined or are simply genetically born that way. We can’t blame them.

However, allowing them to marry someone of the same sex is an entirely different thing. As married couple we would have to give them the same privileges as any married couple – like adopting a child. In reality, I have nothing against that too. I mean, two people of the same sex can raise a child properly, sometimes even better than some heterosexual couples, provided that they do not allow the child to be oriented with their sexual preferences at an early age. I know that it would have a huge effect on the child having same sex parents and they would get teased but with proper guidance that child may be able to cope.

What I am against is the blatant display of “gay-ish” behavior. I have lot of gay friends and if you look at them you’ll just see two men walking or talking or rooming together – what they do behind closed doors and away from public eyes is their business. I guess in a way I am more inclined to the Japanese way of treating the subject. For years, Japan is a gay’s dream land. There they are accepted, and sometimes even wooed.  However, they keep their relationship private and well hidden from public eyes. “Hostos” are very successful in Japan. Men are open to relationships with other men (in secret).

So I guess at the end of the day, I can accept the idea of same sex marriage but I am against them demonstrating it in public. That is the logical, practical side of me talking right there. Now if you ask my moral side of course I don’t agree with it. Women are made for men; our bodies are designed for each other…its how God intended things to be and it’s what’s natural.

Now, you might ask why I started to get an opinion on the subject all of a sudden….well, here’s the link to the video my dearest ‘kohai’ posted and this got me going….  video here