How do I know you………?
You know one fault we women regularly make is that we have the tendency to move heaven and earth of find out everything and anything about our partners. Now, where is the fun in that?
I have always been a strong advocate of the principle that “there should be a point of mystery in every relationship”. And, a lot of women disagree with me and most men agree. Now, most agree because it gives them the excuse not to tell their partner everything..and I always point out to them that it’s a two-way thing. If they don’t tell the other person their secret then it is possible that the other person is also hiding something from them, right?
So, when you look at it this way it seems a very negative thing, right? But to me it’s not because to me everything rests on TRUST. I believe that before two people met and formed a relationship they are two very different individuals. Now the magic word there is INDIVIDUAL – that means two very distinct personality and that is why they shouldn’t lose that even as they enter into a partnership with another person. If he doesn’t tell you about it then maybe it’s not that important or he really doesn’t want you to know…and sometimes knowing just hurts you.
Okay, let’s say he/she was unfaithful, now that is a big foul and a huge betrayal of trust but can you prevent that? If a man/woman wants to foul around there is nothing in this God-made earth that can stop him/her aside from his own conscience. Not you, not his friends…but just him. That issue will be between the person and his/her conscience. And you have the option to leave him and forgive him depending on your own volition of the problem. Because sometimes, the fault is not restricted to only one person but on you too. Sabi nga, it takes two to tango.
I grew up closer to men than people on my own gender simply because I like their company a lot more. With my male friends I can talk about the latest action movie, principles, ideals, sports, new discoveries..etc..etc..etc.. things that most women (though not all) do not care about. I can count of the fingers on one hand the number of women I know who are watching UFC regularly, who know the names of the players and know the rules of American Football…or would rather read espionage rather than romance. Buti na lang among the younger generations there are more and more girls/ladies who have become well rounded.
But getting back to the issue at hand, based from my own personal experience, letting the other person be who and what he/she was before they met you. If there should be changes in them then that is their own decision and I found out that people who change because they want to change for that other person are better adapted and have more conviction. Besides, there is an aesthetic beauty in discovering something new about your partner every single day. What is important is that you know the other person love you, of that you have to be sure, and besides that let him/her be the person he/she needs to be. Always, there should be a marriage of the mind and the soul. It’s like “I love you and I won’t do anything that will hurt you..and in so doing I am trusting that you would not do anything to hurt me. I trust in that.”
So, keep the mystery going and as the years go by the relationship with grow deeper and deeper because he will treasure that part of you that allowed him to be who he is. And ladies, please when you get married and have kids do your best not to slide into the all common trap of loosing your sense of adventure. Don’t be frumpy and don’t lose yourself. I know you have to be devoted mother and wife but you should be something else too..you should be YOU.